Hello, I know I have been slacking on the weekly post but I purposely did not publish anything as I need to take some time off. Last two weeks probably the shittiest weeks in my life. Hence why today Coffee Talk is about being Okay to cry. I am a cry baby. I can easily shed a tears, anytime and anywhere. However, my pride and ego refuse to let myself cry in front of people that I know. Strangers apparently OK and I have my own fair share of crying in public. Not that I’m proud with that kind of moments. Anyway, last week I burst in front of B while choking in tears. Of course, I ran into the room afterward. I have never done anything like that in our 2 years relationship. Yes, he know sometimes I cry but he never saw me crying in front of him; face to face.
It all begin with my ambitious self as I have been wanting to improve my photography skill. I have been saving some money but apparently I was too impatience. So, I went to Carousell and look around for good mirror-less camera. To cut the story short, I was scammed. My saving for camera is gone and I get nothing. To be honest, I was in constant stress and anxiety the whole week. In one point, I feel kinda lost and confuse. So, I was keeping everything out about the scam from B. The day I want to post it in my Instagram’s stories, I’ve decided to came clean to him. I try to keep the explanation as simple as possible.
Of course, B was furious because he was shocked. I try my very best to hold my composure and accepted the fact that I screwed up pretty bad this time. However, out of somewhere, I brave out my crack voice and burst into tears in front of him. I couldn’t see his reaction as I try to get away as soon as possible from him. #somuchforbeingbrave Anyway, a couple of minutes later he went into the room and said sorry. So, I cry again – louder this time. I let out all my stress and frustrations over the shitty incidents and pinky-swear with B that I won’t be repeating the same mistake.
While comforting me while I’m crying, B said to me “This is why I don’t want you to do certain decisions alone. At least if you have told me, you won’t be alone right now. You won’t feel this way.” Then, I cried a little louder because it is true. Sometimes, I hate it when he is right.
God, I really love this man. Please, please do not take him away from me and please I want to keep him forever.
Even though crying often being label as weak and vulnerable, for me it is Okay and acceptable to cry. It’s a sign that you have been strong for the longest time that you can and its alright to breakdown when the stress get too much to handle. Sometimes we just need a “good cry” to release all the things that we have bottle inside us.
I cried for the money that I’ve lost. For the efforts that I have done. No one can helped me to track or arrest the scammers. And for all those who have been scammed before. I cry so that I can take this incidents as lesson learnt well and move on.
Thanks to everyone who had DM’ed me, giving me advises and encouragements during the bad time. Thanks for reading this rants – again, I just want to pour everything into writings. God bless all of you. x